A Common Misconception

   I need to clear a few things in the air...because the view people have on me is wrong and I know that it is my fault. I do not disagree with the use of modern medicine. In fact, I am grateful for modern/western medicine and how far science has brought the medical world. I am grateful for medicines to help cure cancer, colds, ear infections, and other serious diseases, viruses and infections. Its come to my attention that some of you think that I am this huge anti-medicine hippy..and that is simply not 100% accurate. So why do I push the natural life? I will tell you...

   I love essential oils and I love how they have helped our family flourish into healthier beings. I love that when someone gets hurt I have an immediate on hand pain reliever. When our toddler cannot sleep - I have a natural sleep aid. When I am stressed, tired, lazy, sick or whatever I happen to be that day - I have something that helps with that too. I love that I have watched healing and witnessed what I could only describe as miracles. Of course my life and health is not perfect..yet, but I know that the path we are traveling now will lead to the healthiest and happiest days of our lives.

   It used to be that when I was stressed so badly that I could not get over the funk I would have to call the doctor and have my Xanax increased. I was in pain everyday from my fibromyalgia, I had headaches - migraines, back pain, and intense panic attacks. My life was miserable..all. the. time. I'd wake up and wonder why at my age did I have to be in so much pain...and I would think to myself "How am I going to live when I am old?" If I am in this much pain now...and then add on top of it the natural pains of aging...I would surely be a crippled, cranky, miserable old lady. I was on multiple medications, supplements and lifestyle paths to try to ease some of my discomforts but the medicine only added to my pain, I hated the side effects and sometimes decided it wasn't worth the relief. It was a trade off...HOW would you like to feel? Yet, both options seemed to be painful and miserable ...so I just gave up.

   Not many people know this about me but I started my college career in medical school. I tested out of all of my prerequisites, and was accepted into Nursing school on the track to become a medical assistant. I took 3 courses and decided that the field wasn't for me. I wanted to help others, and I wanted to be in the health field but in those three courses I learned more than my fair share of the negatives that medicines can do to our bodies. I also decided that I would be mentally unable to deal with giving patients treatments that I did not believe in. So I took a leap, and changed paths to where my true passion was..Marketing. I enrolled into college in 2010 as a business major. It was the best decision I ever made for myself, at the time. I still wanted to help people but I knew that I could not help them with their health, so I wanted to become an entrepreneur. My goal - to open and run a 100% self sustaining business...would this be possible? I don't really know..yet.

  Anyways, back to natural living. Another time in my life that a lot of people do not know about is my drug and alcohol infested teens and early 20's. To ease the pain I'd drink, smoke dope, take copious amounts of Xanax, percocets, Vicodin and whatever other medicine I could get my hands on. One of the biggest wake up calls in my lifetime was early 2010 right before I moved from Ohio to New Hampshire. I was in intense pain, crying and so stressed. I was ready to go, ready to just end it all. So, while my son was his Nana's visiting for the night I took a few Xanax, a Flexeril (muscle relaxer), an Oxycontin (a strong pain reliever) and washed it down with about six back to back shots of 1800 Tequila. I don't remember much of anything after doing that..except waking up on the floor several hours later in a puddle of my own drool. I lay on the floor and cried..who had I become? So desperate to feel nothing, no pain, no anxiety and no twitches in my body that I resorted to something that could probably of killed me. What about Christopher? Did he deserve this? ..no, but neither did I. That was my defining moment - health wise. I stopped taking pain medicine unless I needed it and could not bare the pain anymore. I decided to take less Xanax, less medicine all together and I decided I was going to get healthy...but, nothing changed INSIDE my body so I went on with my life in pain and being miserable. During this time I also went through a very nasty divorce, a new relationship, moving 1,000 miles away from where I had called home for my entire life, a new path in school, and working with my son, Christopher and his autism. For almost two years I was a completely upside down person. I was angry or confused...or hurt..or lonely? I don't know...I did feel alone in the world, and I lashed out on the very few people that loved me.  The man that held me at night and told me it was going to be okay was the person who took the most of my anger. He was confused and hurt because he did nothing to deserve what I was giving him and I was so depressed over life and the pain I went through everyday that I was unable to explain to him that it wasn't him. I would find things that made me emotionally upset but I would turn it into something more than it was. I was crazy..a woman on a rampage.

     It hurt and it still hurts to think about how I acted but I have to let that go...I know it wasn't me, the real me. The pain and stress was unbearable at times and I would fall behind on life. Pain led to anger which led to depression and more pain and more anger. I was sick, my brain was sick and my body was slowly murdering itself with pain. I'd take so much medicine to try to make the pain go away but it never worked and little did I know that I was adding to my dismay.

     Early in 2014, an old friend came back into my life in the strangest of ways. I would complain about pain on Facebook and complain about having another headache or that today I couldn't walk. Jane would leave comments on my status and then disappear for another week. Comments like "I need to help you, I have an oil" or "I have these healing oils...lets chat". I didn't ignore her..exactly..but I was busy being in pain and I really didn't know what the hell she was talking about. So, we scheduled a time - eventually - to chat and get together via Skype. It was an amazing chat and we spoke alot about these healing oils...interesting thought, an oil that can help with pain and headaches, stress and infections. Interesting...indeed. So, I jumped on board and ordered the Home Essentials Kit. A few days later I'm looking at these bottles of oil wondering what in the world I got myself into. So that is where I started..exactly where you are - ready for change, ready for a new life? I started not even knowing what an essential oil was and they changed this skeptics life.

    So about medicines. Do I use medicines? You can bet your butt I use medicines. What mother in their right mind would let a child suffer through an ear infection if it seems the oils aren't working? What mother would let their child suffer from an infection if the oils are not seeming to be enough? The oils are so powerful, so complex that we, or at least I, just do not understand the entire complexity of them. I will go to medicines and I am so grateful that they are there. If I go to the hospital, I will not deny medicine unless I know I can. Our thought - Use medicine when necessary but replace as much as you can with nature. We now do not have to go to the doctor except as a last resort. There are many medical problems that we just do not suffer with anymore...Our oldest used to get nose bleeds...after using lemon and lavender three times he hasn't had once since...its been about a year. My stress level is 90% lower, our nonverbal autistic toddler can speak, I'm recently cancer free,  my pain is 80% decreased and I sleep with no sleep aides...not even an oil based sleep aid....I could not list the ways my life has changed without sitting here writing for a week straight. It's just so insane and amazing and I am grateful every single day for the essential oils and natural product knowledge that I have gained. And I am so grateful that my journey has led me on a path that not only allows me to practice business and marketing which I passionately love but also my desire to be in the healthcare field, teaching and inspiring others with treatments and knowledge that I 100% believe in.

   So in summation...we do believe in medicines. We do USE medicines...but its not our first option, and it is our last resort. We love the natural life and we try to be as natural as can be. The truth is..that I just do not know how to be completely 100% natural and I am happy with that. We are rest assured knowing that the chemical load we are putting in our bodies and our children's bodies has drastically decreased and we are going to live longer and healthier as a result. The chemicals, metals and toxins that I have put in my body over the years are slowly leaving...giving me more energy and brain power and I am happy with that.



    So, what is your reason to make a change? Are you tired of living in pain and stress? Looking for an extra income while helping others? I want to teach you what I know...let me show you how your life can change with not only doTERRA, but with other natural alternatives. Email me if you'd like to chat! <3 Beavanhook@gmail.com

With a warm heart and oily hands -
Bea

Please note: Products mentioned in this article have not been evaluated by the FDA. These products and information on this page are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This website is not a substitute for professional care. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, psychological, or psychiatric problem, or a disability that requires medical attention, then you should consult your licensed medical doctor or appropriate health care provider. Always consult your medical doctor regarding your medical care. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.

What's Eating Christopher Aaron

Me and Z

   Christopher has been asking me a lot about Autism lately. He hears the word, he knows he has Autism but he really isn't sure what it is. I answer the best I can but he always seems to take me the wrong way and I have trouble explaining myself. Today has been a pretty laid back day so I decided to flip on Netflix and watch movies with the boys. I honestly had never saw "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" so decided not only did I want to see the classic anyways, but I thought it would be good for Christopher to watch it also. Not only from the Autistic side of things but because its a story of hope, love and compassion.
      The first scene of the movie where Arnie was waiting on the campers to come down the road; the scene where Arnie is yelling in excitement waiting..that is the moment I was reminded how beautiful my son really is. He looked at me and...

Chris "Mommy, which one has Autism?"
Me "The one yelling and excited about the campers"
Chris "Why do they say he has Autism?"
Me "Well, his behavior and other things..."
Chris "I feel like yelling sometimes when I am excited, too!"
Me "Yeah?"
Chris "Yeah, but you know...I still don't see anything wrong with him. I don't see the Autism, do you?"

    I am not sure why this moment hit me like a ton of bricks but it did. He doesn't see the autism. Throughout the movie he was confused as to why I said this was a movie about autism. He noticed what Arnie did, and how he acted but just said "Well, he's upset" or "Well, Gilbert hit him", "It's okay to be afraid of water". Too many times we see autism, or other disorders and not often enough to we just see one singular emotion. Arnie was autistic, but was it autism that made him afraid of water? No, Gilbert left him all night in water...that is why he was afraid of water. Everyday when he yells or talks loud, doesn't want to eat, has that little sassy attitude that drives me nuts I find myself trying to remind myself that he is autistic and maybe he cannot help it.
   When Christopher was diagnosed with Autism six years ago I dealt with it fairly well. I listened to the doctors, researched and advocated for my son as much as I could and more. When Z was diagnosed with Autism I felt like my world had come crashing down. I was more than happy to advocate and work with Christopher, the struggles were worth it, they were pretty much not even an option but that doesn't mean it wasn't hard and that I would jump up and volunteer to do it again. Yet here I found myself seven years later in a similar situation. Some days when I just look at them I feel sad. They are so different but they have this one thing, this one BIG thing in common - Autism. Watching Gilbert handle his brother, his frustration and love, was so inspiring to me. Obviously, my kids are on a much higher level of functioning than Arnie was and this also was something I was grateful for.
    When Christopher did not notice anything different about Arnie my mind went into a deeper level of thought than it had in a while. I felt this love that was hidden under my impatience and frustration and then I felt sad, sad that I even felt frustration. Looking from the outside into a movie seems silly but for me it was a huge eye opener. I wonder how confused my kids feel when I yell at them for something they cannot control or for emotions and actions that they can't help or don't understand themselves. If I was inside their minds when I asked them "what is wrong with you?" or "What were you thinking when you did that!", I wonder what I would see or feel. I wonder if it would hurt or if they would feel anger. I wonder if when they say they don't know why they do something, if they really mean it. I wonder if they say they can't do something or can't eat or say something if they really cannot.

Chris and I

         I think the biggest thing I took from him not seeing autism is me seeing their autism. Everyday, every hour I see it. When I take a picture and have to convince Christopher to look at the screw on the front of my camera to make it not sound like looking at my face...I see autism. When he talks like he has a megaphone attached to his mouth 24/7 ...I hear autism. When Z cannot say what he wants, or explain how he feels...I hear autism. When Z gets upset and bangs his head so hard that he bruises, yet doesn't seem to mind...I see autism. The question I ask myself now is...Why am I not seeing my kids?! Why do I instantly think autism? To them, this is not autism but this is them. To them their emotions are not autism, it is their emotions, it is them.
         I challenge myself and I challenge everyone else to stop seeing autism. Let's see the person, lets see them. I do not want to explain that my son has bruises on his forehead because he has autism, I want to just say he has bruises because that's Z. And I want that explanation to be enough. I don't want to explain that Christopher has autism and that is why the cook at a restaurant cannot have a single pepper speck showing on his chicken strip, I want to just say he's upset because there is a speck of pepper on his chicken and Christopher doesn't like that. And I want that explanation to be enough.  Even though when I look at my kids I see autism and I hear autism, I need to also see them and not assume all of their little personality quirks are always autism. Hell, maybe my kids are just more like me than I give them credit for and they are just weird.
     I always have trouble ending a post. I never know how to end something so open-ended. I guess I can add to my thoughts later, but wanted to get out how I was feeling now. I love that when least expected I get hit hard right in the heart. I need these moments because these are what gets mothers like me through to the next day. Autism isn't easy, parenting isn't easy, and being Christopher and Z's mom definitely isn't easy. But let me tell you...it is worth every exhausting second of it. It's worth every drop in gas spent on going to social group, every early morning waking up for speech therapy, and every extra hour it takes to explain something that a 'normal' child would understand in one sentence. It's worth it not because they have autism but because they are Christopher and Z and I am the luckiest mother in the world simply because of them.

    So what's eating Christopher Aaron?...apparently, nothing is.

An Update on Life

Life has been a roller coaster of events this year. From losing an uncle, to the baby being diagnosed with Autism..it's just been crazy. So much has been going on and sometimes I feel like I am at my breaking point. But, I have a good support system at home and that always helps keep me above the waterline and safe from drowning. I have gotten some emails recently asking me to just post about life and how I manage it all and the truth is...I don't exactly know how I do it. My education is not hard for me, most of the courses I take come really easy for me, but that is not uncommon for me. I have a photographic memory so while reading or studying, things tend to come back pretty easy. Since having Z though, I feel my memory has gotten worse and sometimes I wonder if its because I went so long without getting vaccines and in the last two years I have gotten two. That's another story though.

 I have 20 drafts awaiting me to finish and post and I just keep thinking of all the things I want to post for you all, and myself. My life has always taken sudden changes in directions but recently I think I have found the path that I really want to take. I don't quite understand it yet, but I am learning. I started getting into essential oils when a friend recommended them. I was 100% skeptic and sometimes still am. I believe that skepticism is a normal human behavior but, my life was changed with the use of them. I've become almost obsessed with finding an answer using the oils rather than the traditional way to do things, I feel my family will benefit from this. Anyways that is not what this post is about, this post actually really has no purpose haha!

It's almost spring time here in New Hampshire, the birds sometimes come out now. I am so ready for the ice and snow to be gone and to plant flowers and have dinner outside. I cannot wait to put the pool up for the kids and watch them swim. Last year Z did not like the pool, hopefully this year is different. I am also only taking one class next term, I have gotten tired of classes and overwhelmed with work, home and just everything. So, it was a mutual decision for J and I for me to drop down to one class, to save my sanity! I need the break and I am welcoming it. This means I should have more time to blog this summer as well, hopefully. I have a bunch of gluten free on the grill recipes I have been wanting to try. And also spring time gluten free desserts, smoothies and dinner ideas. I really want to get back to cooking, it's something that I really enjoy. Plus, J got me this amazing spice rack for Christmas and I have yet to use it past the basic oregano, thyme, rosemary, parsley and garlic spices. So I am excited to experiment with some new spices as well. Is there anything you would like to see me attempt?

Not sure if I had posted before about my presidency through Autism Speaks U, Kaplan University. We had a large event last Tuesday and I think it went well. We were able to raise quite a bit of money for Autism research and my heart swells with heartfelt thanks to those who opened their wallets for the cause. The month is not over yet, so hopefully more come! And fundraising isn't limited to April. I love advocating for Autism. When I teach each month in meetings and such I feel so passionate about what I am saying, the same goes for when I am just talking about it. It's such a humbling feeling knowing the words that I am speaking is going somewhere, being spread and making a change in the world.

Well, not much more to say I guess. Going to be writing some posts on detox baths, oil pulling or lack thereof, new recipes soon, a review on Jamberry Nails, and more info on Essential oils most likely. I would also love to introduce you to my new adventures in the books I am writing, I think a lot of people will find it a very interesting study.

But for now, live successfully, live happy and live with purpose!

Bea

A morning with Autism...

    Okay, so hate is a strong word but damn, some mornings I feel like I might go crazy. Often we see these posts where living with Autism is a blessing and I am here to tell ya..it's really not. Autism is hard, Autism is angry, and moody and very very particular. I would not change my children, ever, but I'm not one of those mothers that praise the Gods for bringing Autism to my life. I think people who feel "blessed" to have a child with Autism have had some serious counseling, maybe I could benefit from counseling...hmm. Anyways, I have accepted that two of our children have Autism. I have fully accepted that they will be in some sort of therapy for the rest of their childhood and most likely into adulthood. Do I have any other choice but to accept it? Not really, we are their parents and we will do what we have to. Its mornings like this morning though, that I get so agitated that I have to deal with this disorder. Mornings like this I step back, watch our child bang his head on everything, leaving bruises and punching floors, and wonder..."what the hell did I do to deserve this?". Someday's I feel like I am more understanding, others - like right now - I seriously wonder how I have not had a heart attack and just died.
   I am angry that our child [almost 21 months] cannot talk and tell me why he feels so angry, I am angry that he punches me, and hits me and slams his head and hurts himself because he is so upset and distraught that he cannot tell me or even show me what's wrong. I get angry that he isn't the same [thankfully, though] as my other [8yrs] Autistic boy in the regards that I would know exactly what to do. I get angry that it seems the regression started with his 15 month vaccinations and I hit myself every single time I signed those papers to let him be "vaccinated". The vaccines..I will write about that another time.
   I am writing right now while Z is watching Frozen for the thousandth time, I dabbed him with Peaceful Child and he is okay now. I am sitting here calming myself down with a combination of Elevation, Peaceful Child and I put some deep blue on my back because with stress comes the pain. I hate that I have to go through this to get some peace, to get some down time. He gets so angry and lashes out in a way nor I or J have ever seen from a child so young. He never sees this stuff on TV or in movies so where does he get this extreme anger? I am worried for the future, and we have already considered behavior therapy when he gets of age. How do you discipline an Autistic child because we all know that discipline has a different effect on them than normally functioning children. I think that makes it even harder. That and the fact that he is so different than what I've dealt with in Autism before and J, well he has never dealt with a child like him either. We find ourselves looking at each other wondering what to do, and yet neither of us have answers. It's hard to have no idea whatsoever to help him. He cannot tell us what is wrong and the more we guess wrong, the worse he seems to act.
   I have so much homework, so I am going to end this post here. I have calmed down, so that's good. He is quiet, so that is also good. I don't hate Autism..I guess this was just a real time feeling of a mother who is desperate for something. Answers maybe..peace, perhaps.  I still do not feel blessed to have Autism in my life, but I am glad that with my experiences I can maybe help others who feel the same way in their lives. Lost, lonely, at their wits end, whatever they feel...having two with Autism just brings me down a bit more. I have to move forward with it because I am their mother and I love them so very much and would do anything in the world for them but, why? I feel at fault for all this, and I think that makes each outburst or meltdown harder for me. Sigh. Anyways...until next time...

With Love,
Bea

Turning Autistic?

   This may not make any sense to someone who isn't impacted by Autism. But, today as I picked up a small blue hot-wheel and vacuumed the floor I realized that I was doing things in my daily routine that might make others wonder if I was Autistic or something similar. What's more, some day's I wonder if I am going Autistic because I find myself doing these things when my kids aren't around, just out of habit. I know someone cannot "turn Autistic" but, if you have a child, or in my case two children, with Autism..you'll relate to my post.
   On a typical day my 20 month old will hand me a car over 100 times, as well as anyone else who walks into the room. He will tell me that car is a car probably 200 times before the day is over. He wants his daddy, brothers, friends and myself to always know that when we come home, there will be a pretty "carrrrrrr" there waiting for us. Before we do anything we have to make sure we are not going to step, sit or lay on cars. Today while vacuuming I had to laugh, I would not have been vacuuming while making sure I held onto a car if not for Autism.
   This has changed my life. It's funny how we Autistic parent's do things knowing that it will prevent a meltdown, or we say things differently knowing it will make a transition easier. I know that if I tell my Z to get away or out of something he won't but then I know if I say "wow, look at this car" he will come running. Some say we use his obsession against him, I say we use it to our and his advantage.
   Some days I wonder if I am becoming just as nervous about not doing something as my kids are. If I am not carrying a car while walking the baby to bed, I know the process will take longer. I know that not bringing a game to a long appointment for my older son, there will be a lot of frustration. These obsessions of theirs [there are many more than listed] have become "obsessions" of mine. I am afraid to forget these little things knowing that a melt down will happen. And because they are both so different, the stress level just elevates. I love them though, and I will carry cars, and books, and iPads with Wreck it Ralph to anywhere I go because I guess the way I see it is...if I am turning Autistic, which I am not, but if I were...then they would be giving back to me the gift that I gave them. 

    I haven't really blogged much since our youngest was diagnosed with Autism. I guess I've been a combination of in shock, busy and upset that he was diagnosed but here I am. I want to share with others the funny in being an "Autism Mom". I want to share the heart ache and give hope to others. I also want to blog about how my new found 'obsession' with essential oils has changed my life [and can change yours too!]. I love blogging about recipes and goodies so I think I will do that occasionally as well, but for now - Autism is my life.

Vacuuming with my very cool car

<3
Live with Joy,
Bea

Life...in directions unexpected

     I thought my blogging life was over. I've been quite depressed as of lately and really not in the right state of mind to be writing. However, with my motto in mind "Onwards..." I've decided to move onwards. Since I have last posted so much has happened. I was diagnosed with Celiac disease, meaning everything I love to eat, I am not suppose to. So in my mind all the beautiful, delicious recipes I love to make was the past. No more...now, I need to be dedicated to making and creating new gluten free recipes and I would still like to share them.

  The "idea" of a foodie blog has been thrown out the window. Honestly, I cannot hardly keep up with this blog so creating a blog for each of the things I'd like to write about would be stupid on my part and setting myself up for failure. So, you'll get a whole bunch of goodies from now on (is the plan haha) from my blog!

A few things I plan on discussing:

deTERRA oils: This is a brand new adventure in my life. I hope they work for my daily pain, and problems I have with my body, emotions, stress and overall health. I would like to review the product and share with you how well they work for me. All people are different, but I know we are all pretty skeptical, so I am excited to see how it works out! Stay tuned for more on that!

Autism: My 8year old was diagnosed at age 3. Our 19 month old was diagnosed last week and will now be going through the early intervention process. It hurts me to think that I made two babies with autism. I want writing to be my outlet for my personal emotions, you know getting it out helps and maybe my emotions and moments good and bad will help someone else going through similar.

Makeup: I am nosediving into makeup for Jim and my photography. I want to learn new tricks and techniques. I do not wear makeup so this is a very very new journey for me as well. Looking forward to learning and growing and sharing my experiences with you.

Recipes: Of course, I cannot leave out recipes because I love love love to cook and bake. I want to make more delicious (and 'normal') tasting foods that us who are new to the gluten free world can enjoy without feeling like we are eating cardboard. I miss my bread, I miss my regular noodles, but mainly, I miss my bread. J bought me some UDIs Gluten free bread that isn't bad...but it's not the same.

Photography and Life: We shoot models, but I would like to shoot other things as well. Of course this is a constant goal of mine. I always want to shoot something with extreme emotion but haven't really had the time. Will try to get some of that in!

My life: School, work, kids, frustration, joys, tears, love, hate and my general emotions. I want an outlet...writing is that outlet. I want to record my journey to a healthier me. My weight loss journey, my getting fit journey included.

Open letters...probably lots of open letters lol..I have an opinion on everything.

Well, there is probably more but since it is so late and Z gets up so very early I must end it here. I will try to start posting daily about SOMETHING. <3 Please follow.

Until Next Time...

Lady Bea <3