My Story - An Idea..

Before I go to bed for the night I decided I want to put an idea I had today out there. I want to write my story. A story I have had in my mind forever, I have started it at least fifty times but never really finished it. Once I got over 200 pages in only to have all my hard work burnt before my eyes. It hurt. I have always felt like I needed to jump back onto it but always had that pain on my mind. I've decided, I think, to write a chapter a week or every other week and post it here. Within a year, perhaps two depending on how well I stay on task, I will have written my book.

I will not share this story until I have figured out labels. This way those who are not interested in reading it will not even have to see it. There will be material that may be triggers or be very upsetting to some. The story is based on extreme child abuse and will be detailed accounts of abuse. I just do not want anyone who does not want to see this sort of story to have to see it.

Anyways, that is my idea! So, I think I will go shower now (for real this time haha) and get some shut eye!

Much Luv,
Lady Bea

What women need.

When I wake up in the morning the first thing I need to do is walk Fred,  our 12 week old basset Hound puppy.  Then I need to brush my teeth, then obviously I need coffee. Then I need to make sure there is enough water in the coffee pot for J to have coffee. I need to make sure I didn't forget to turn on the dishwasher because heaven knows I'm so forgetful. I needed to wake up J.

Throughout the day and weeks I need more and more. I need to work out. I need a new purse or something for class. I need to catch up on editing pictures for or clients ori need to do homework or write an article. The list is never ending of things I need to do. Need to take care of the kids,  found time for a shower,  bathe the dog,  dishes,  laundry,  make sure everyone has full bellies. ..On and on. ..

Why,  I wonder. Why is it so hard to express when we really honestly need something for ourselves?  Something not materialistic. Something much deeper.  We wait until is to late and we are suffering in an empty room in our minds wondering what went wrong or wishing we hadn't made the mistake that stayed the down hill affect you're suffering through. We cannot say we need love. We need forgiven for whatever we did. Why is it so hard to ask for intimacy or a date. Or help around the house for no reason. Why is it difficult to admit sometimes we need to not act our age,  and to be playful and young. We need pushed against a Wall and we need our breath taken away.

Why wait until we are so desperate and so far gone?  To where is beyond a need and now something so strongly desired. It's hard being a woman. So emotional and weak. Yet we are strong. Even in our weakest moments we make it, we survive. We lock these needs away and they only come out when it's turning into resentment,  sadness and depression and worry and wonder as to if we are good enough for our man. Are we pretty enough?  We feel tired all the time but. .. Are we doing enough?  The kids are fed with clean clothes and yet we wonder. .. Are we doing okay?  Are we giving enough?  Then late at night when everyone is so peacefully sleeping. .. You're blogging. Because you feel you give and give and give to the world. The world takes what it wants and you always let it,  because that's what's expected. You ask for what you need. But you never ask for what you really need,  what you long for or desire. And you cry. . And wonder if things will ever be different. You wonder if life will be like this forever.  You wonder if you will ever be forgiven,  honestly forgiven.  But to be held accountable for your mistakes any longer. And you realize that all you need is. .. Nothing.  Tomorrow you will wake up,  and walk the dog. You'll brush your teeth and make coffee. The day will go on like usual and then when the night comes. .. You'll realize again what you really need. .. and you'll cry,  and be sad and worry that you're not good enough for this world,  and you're not cut out for this job. But I am,  and I need sleep so tomorrow I can be okay. 

Sunday Funday

   How is everyone this week? I've been busy busy busy! This is a busy but exciting week for me. I have meetings for Autism Speaks and CEO this week. I am getting my essential oils kit this week as well! The most important thing that is happening is Z, our toddler, is getting his Autism Speech evaluation this week. He's already approved for the programs but we need to see where he is at developmentally to see where to start and how many times a week he needs therapy. The doctor had already suggested three times a week but we will see. Right now he has 3 words (Apple. Car, and Eat). At 19 months old he should have a lot more, especially considering he doesn't "ask" for an apple. A car or to eat. He will point to an apple or a car to eat though, so that's good.

    As for the oils, I am really excited to just I'm general try them. I am in pain and exhausted daily so I won't have to wait for an opportunity to use them and I think that is what excites me most...the thought of being pain free or minimal pain just sounds incredible to me. I've hurt so very long. Being in pain all the time is exhausting and I always feel like I coud crash. Some people ask me how I do it all - family, work, school, etc and honestly I don't know how I do it sometimes. I am hoping that these oils help counter the affects of well, my life. I cannot wait to see if this oil helps. 

    I have 'plans' to make homemade laundry detergent this week, and get my cloth diapers stripped, also recruit a few gals to be on my doTERRA team. Besides all my school work, we have basketball this week, three shoots, and I plan on trying a Gluten Free granola crunch bite recipe...and post most of it here. Haha! We will see how it goes!!! 

My Typical Friday Fever...

   Where I live there is really nothing to do. I mean, nothing. Beyond walking outside and taking in the scenic beauty that does surround my home. However...with ice and snow all over there really isn't any place safe to walk. So, on Friday we take my step son to meet his mother about an hour away and I always want to go. I take joy in grocery shopping because it's out and about. I love where I live, I love the nothingness and how close to nature I am but every Friday all day long I am itching to get out of the house. Haha! So, trying to get some interaction from anyone reading..what are your plans for this fabulous Friday? How is the weather where you are at?

   Lady Bea

Recipes From Around the World

So, with the summer months coming rapidly upon us and the kids getting out of school. I've come up with some educational fun things for the kids to do. One of the things I have come up with is Recipes Around the World. I am very excited about this project with the kids! Every week, minus a busy week here and there, I will make a recipe from a foreign part of the world. During the week I will have the kids research, yes research in the summer months, about the country. At dinner, when we are eating our new ethnic meal, they can report to Jim and I some interesting facts about where ever our dinner inspired from. I think this is going to be awesome! I am even thinking about getting a map to mark off where we have "eaten". I was also thinking about letting them make different place mats for dinner to go with the theme of the meal.

I just had to write this down, have you ever done anything like this with your kids? What did you do? Did they enjoy it?

I was thinking about doing dishes inspired from Mexican, American, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, French, British, German, and Australian cultures. I am very excited about this adventure as I will learn a lot of new thinks as well.

Lady Bea

My Apologies...

So, I know I haven't posted...seem to have chose a terrible time to start this journey! I had to travel to Ohio to take my son, Christopher, to his fathers. We had a fantastic spring break! So now I am back to the everyday grind and I am ready to go! Are you? I promise to be more active, and post a lot more!


Here are some recipes you can expect to see throughout the weekend:

Manicotti
Rustic Style pizza poppers

I will also discuss:

 A new service based learning project I will be working on over the next several weeks. Web Marketing components and data processing for websites. I found some really awesome websites for all the marketers and business owners out there. 


Hope everyone has had a fantastic last few days! What did you do over spring break?

Until next time...(which will be soon, I promise!!)

Lady Bea