Around the age of 13 (give or take) I fell ill with unexplained pain. My fingers and toes felt like what, at the time, I could only describe as "feeling like they're being ripped off". My mother let me stay home from school for a few days but the pain just would not go away and I cried and cried. You can imagine at my young age, I literately felt like I was dying. The doctor sent me to a neurologist and they sent me for several tests all which came back negative. They told my mother that there was "nothing wrong with me" or "no real reason why I would be in pain" and left it at that. A few weeks later, the pain subsided and I was able to function normally. Now, several years later...I know I can attribute that incident as my first fibromyalgia attack. Because of the way the doctor made me feel, or maybe he meant to assume I was lying, I felt the strong desire to try to keep my attacks quiet. I shut down my emotions, I dealt with the pain on my own. I didn't tell people how much I hurt and I rolled my eyes at people complaining about stubbing their toe - "What do they know about pain?", "I suffer everyday and don't complain yet they complain over a hangnail". I was driving myself crazy with negative thoughts. My pain was not to be compared...we all suffer in our own ways. Only I would not learn this for many years later.
At the time my pain was turning into anger and then into depression. I felt like a little crippled old lady in this very young body...it was insane! So by age 20, I was knee deep in both chronic depression - mixed in with good ole' situational depression, severe anxiety, and dealing with these secret "whatever this punishment is" pain attacks. I became angry with God, the world..I felt alone and wondered what I did in my past life to deserve this pain. What would I do when I was old? With age comes pain right? With age comes the inability to move as well, right? ...I am 20 and cannot get out of bed for at least 5 days a month, would I become permanently crippled by 50? My situation at the time was not very good and with that and the depression and pain...I felt like I may never make 30.So all this hiding my emotions and not telling people I hurt led to an even worse case of depression and anxiety and eventually I was angry. I became afraid to go in public, I have a 'secret' twitch which I can hide if I clench my muscles, when I was alone I could twitch all I wanted and feel free and it hurts less to let the twitch out than hold it in which only increases the pain. I could cry if I needed and felt like no one could see me. Basically, I was ashamed of my personal situation and was afraid the world would see right through me so I just wanted to stay home. Social anxiety they called it...I have only recently (last 4 years) been able to get over this. I became a person who I was not, and that is the saddest outcome of all.
Let's go back to that faithful doctors appointment really quickly and then I will tell you all what I did, which is the real reason you are here! I mentioned I had one more question, my doctor, Dr. C, listened with his caring eyes while I decided whether or not I should say it. I was really afraid he would say the same thing I heard many years before - it was nothing, in my head. As soon as the words "Everyday, everyday I hurt" came out of my mouth, I started crying, like uncontrollable crying and then I just told him everything.. This was such a defining moment in my healing..I had opened up a wound from many years before and was talking about my pain. This is the first time I have wrote this story out and I am in tears thinking of that moment. The fear, anxiety, the desperation for relief was so overwhelming. I was afraid of what he may say. I wanted something, anything to be wrong..so it could be fixed. I told him about my first incident and how its only gotten worse since and how badly my skin hurt and how water and clothes and the air hurt my skin. And how my head crawled like pins and needles and how my joints and stomach hurt all the time. He sent me for repeat neurological tests. All of the neurological tests came back negative besides from slight nerve damage which may have contributed to my twitch. I felt a bit defeated in this moment...mainly because I needed something to be wrong. I needed some sort of treatment to feel normal again. He asked if he could check my pressure points just to be sure everything was okay...what did I care..do whatever you want at this point. He touched about 30 spots on my body which about half were extremely tender. After a while waiting he finally diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. Great!! An answer! Now what? - There is no medicine that works for it. Oh...like a balloon deflating, my hopes were shattered once again. But, he did put me on a long term pain medicine and that was hopeful.
The pain medication worked for the most part. It took my pain from a 10 to a "maybe 5" most days which was very good for me. I was able to start working out again which made me feel good, I still wasn't eating right (wasn't eating very much at all), and I had a fitness coach from the YMCA who would scold me and eventually put me on a time limit everyday. Apparently, they frown on people who don't eat and work out 4-5 hours a day (haha). I still struggled with depression, and badly. Now I see that my pain could not have been FULLY controlled with just pain medication because spiritually and mentally I was still in desperate need of help. When I say spiritually...I don't necessarily mean God..I went to church, I studied the bible..but it wasn't enough to GO to church..I needed something to believe in. I believe in God, yes, but I am the type of person who believes in more. I am the type of person to say that there is a God..but I know that we are all synergistic creatures and that God may not be a man...that's the greatest mystery of all, isn't it? I believe in Angels and I believe in ghosts and passed lives coming to either make life difficult or maybe help up along the way. I accept that all my spiritual beliefs may be wrong and I accept that others may not believe in the same thing. But finding MY OWN spiritual belief was essential to healing...just as I recommend to everyone dealing with pain, depression or anxiety. Mentally I was depressed..I was on heavy antidepressants but those just didn't work for me. Max dose of Xanax daily..didn't work. Much was situational, I'll admit but eventually situational depression becomes just flat out depression and anger. Its chemical...a chemical can learn to be imbalanced, just as it can learn to be balanced.
So that is where it got started, let's jump into our time machine and let me tell you what I did and my recommendations for anyone suffering with pain, depression, anxiety or anything like it. Here we goooo!
My Life Diet Recommendations
Diet Management
-Find a good supplement. A whole food supplement works best. My biggest success was using a supplement pack called Life Long Vitality Supplements. I noticed a drastic difference in the first month of using that, it reduced flare ups and over all inflammation. Clinical studies show that these supplements reduce blood sugar, cholesterol, inflammation and antioxidants. Other testimonials really brought me to even try the Life Long Vitality supplements ...they were saying their pain was less, they felt overall "better", they had more energy, they slept better. So I gave them a shot. At first, for me, they didn't seem to help with the pain and I detoxed...bad! During my research in the past year, I am not surprised I detoxed. I was on 10 medications just 4 years ago. Constantly drinking to ease the pain, and just a life of bad decisions detoxing through my skin. It wasn't awful...but it was not what I expected. This simmered down after about two weeks and I started to really gain the benefits of the supplements. The key is to stick with it. I would love to talk to you about these supplements.
-Get off grains, sugar and dairy. These...as hard as it is, are staples to get off of when dealing with chronic pain and depression. I know they are addictive..I still struggle with the grains and sugar. It's a battle. Since becoming pregnant, I stopped taking a supplement which really helped curb those cravings. Its a chemical imbalance in the brain causing us to think we want them. Grains...inflammation, inflammation, inflammation. We get so hungry and eat more and more and its causes by sugars and grains. That is why people who go on the Grain free diet are less hungry. It's called the Wheat Belly (Google it). The supplement is called Brain Reward and I would be happy to tell you more about it. It changed my life in ONE DAY. I wish there were more studies out there on it during pregnancy..because I would be taking it right now.
Health Management
-Use essential oils. It's no secret that I love essential oils. And it is NOT because its some crazy little fad. If you would have asked me what an essential oil was two years ago, I would have said Vanilla Extract? Peppermint Extract? Like I knew! haha! But, with a friend (Ms. Janie Bee), bringing these oils to light for me, I was able to manage my pain without the medication. I was able to use oils in place of headache remedies and other pain relievers. Some of my favorite pain relief oils are the Massage Blend, the Soothing Blend, Cypress, Lemongrass,White Fir and Deep Blue Rub. I like to make a blend for my pain, which included all the aforementioned except the rub. Applied to the feet morning, afternoon and evening before bed. I also occasionally applied to areas that seems to be sprouting pain...hips, wrists, ankles, etc.
Here is a pain rub that I love and it helped with sciatica pain (which seems residual) but also helps with different kinds of pain as well. DIY Pain Rub
-Work out. I can't tell you what you can do, or what you should do. All I want to say is you should do something. If that something is that you're walking 30 minutes a day, then fantastic! If you are a gym rat, amazing! But be sure to implement some sort, form, or manner of exercise into your life diet.
Detox
-I detox, and a lot! Before I was pregnant, I detoxed weekly in the bath. I am already excited to start this back up after little one is born. My body needs a good soak and I feel "lost" without it.
Here is my favorite detox bath.
2-3 cups Epson Salt (I normally go towards 3 cups)
3 heaping Tbs baking soda
5 drops of each:
Lavender Essential Oil
Clary Sage Essential Oil
Bergamot Essential Oil
Peppermint Essential Oil
And 2 (and not any more than 2) drops of Ginger essential oil
If your detox bath feels too hot..omit the ginger. The properties of ginger intensify the detox process. I tried more than two drops and it was INSANE! lol
Soak in water that doesn't burn you but is as warm/hot as you can handle. Soak for at least 20 minutes. Drink 10oz of water before and after your detox bath. Nothing during. Try to have not eaten for at least 2 hours before and do not eat after. (I like to do my detox shortly before bed). Try to pat dry, do not rub. Let your pores continue the detox after you're out of the bath. You will sweat a ton, this is normal.
Cleanse the Body
-You want to consider doing the best cleanse on the market. I've done cleanses before and they ain't pretty! But this one is so gentle, and you really don't hurt doing it which is something I particularly enjoy haha! I hated cleanses until I found the 30 Day Cleanse by doTERRA! There is so much to talk about when it comes to this cleanse...I won't be able to mention it all here. This blog post is already an afternoon reader. This cleanse helps get rid of Candida overgrowth. We all have candida in our body but when it grows out of control, we feel symptoms. Some of the most common symptoms include:
- Feeling tired and worn down or suffering from chronic fatigue or chronic pain syndromes
- Digestive issues such as bloating, constipation, or diarrhea
- Autoimmune diseases
- Difficulty concentrating, poor memory, lack of focus, brain fog
- Skin issues
- Irritability, mood swings, anxiety, or depression
- Severe seasonal allergies or itchy ears
- Strong sugar and grain cravings
Stress and Mood Management
Well here is a big one! But this is the last one on my list of recommendations so you've made it to the finish line.
-Along with working out, which I mentioned above, it is great exercise and stress management to do Yoga. During this time of mediation and relaxation, your body gets a great work out. There are many different forms of yoga. One I am particularly interested in trying (have not had the pleasure, yet) is DDP Yoga. It looks amazzzing! Find your own path with this. A life diet is somewhat customizable to what you can and are willing to do. Look on YouTube for tons of free yoga videos, too!
-Meditation. You do NOT have to sit "crisscross applesauce" with your arms in the air to mediate. I find the best time for me to mediate is while I am going to sleep. It's sometimes difficult to find a good time to settle my mind in meditation with 3 young boys running around. There are tons of free mediation recordings online. Make it part of your daily routine and it will.change.your.life. My favorite form of mediation for bed time is yoga nidra for sleep. Very relaxing and you will be able to sleep without pain and racing thoughts. Sleep is definitely a game changer in the life diet. I had to listen to recordings for about six months. The first time I was able to guide myself into mediation was a great day! You will get there too. Mediation helps reduce overall stress levels, improves the mood and sleep, and helps the body function better.
-Self Affirmations. I have favorites for pain, stress and depression. At first I was embarrassed to say affirmations out loud but then they changed my life so much that now I have our kids saying them! There is a lot to learn to do a successful or effective self affirmation. Louise Hay teaches amazing processes and techniques to positively change your life with affirmations. I will probably, someday soon, have a blog post on mediation and affirmations alone..because there is so much to be said about it.
The basic guidelines to a successful affirmation is to speak your affirmation as if its already true. Instead of saying "I will be stress free" or "I am becoming stress free" you are going to say "I am stress free" or "My life is calm and relaxed and I am happy with things as they come". Make sense? repeat as many times as you can. "All is well". "I live in Joy", "I feel wonderful!" etc. Some of the affirmations that get me through are listed below but by all means...make your own! Make what works for you...there are so many ways to do affirmations. Here are a few of my favorites. Many come from Louise Hay...be sure to look her up!
"I am pain-free at all times"
"It is easy to relax and be calm at all times"
"I feel glorious, dynamic energy. I am active and alive!"
"All is well"
"I am worth loving, and I feel love abundantly"
"I am good enough"
"New balance is coming to my body now, and I am pain and stress free"
Gah, there really are so many!!! I could go on and on and on!! Really...grab the book "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay.
-Use essential oils.
Well...this got kind of long didn't it! For that I apologize, but I do hope you found something here to help. I know I need to expand on this and this isn't all that I have changed in my life diet. I can tell you that living with the intention of experiencing joy will completely change your outlook on life. One intention after another. The universe WILL bring you what you desire.
With love,
Bea
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