What women need.

When I wake up in the morning the first thing I need to do is walk Fred,  our 12 week old basset Hound puppy.  Then I need to brush my teeth, then obviously I need coffee. Then I need to make sure there is enough water in the coffee pot for J to have coffee. I need to make sure I didn't forget to turn on the dishwasher because heaven knows I'm so forgetful. I needed to wake up J.

Throughout the day and weeks I need more and more. I need to work out. I need a new purse or something for class. I need to catch up on editing pictures for or clients ori need to do homework or write an article. The list is never ending of things I need to do. Need to take care of the kids,  found time for a shower,  bathe the dog,  dishes,  laundry,  make sure everyone has full bellies. ..On and on. ..

Why,  I wonder. Why is it so hard to express when we really honestly need something for ourselves?  Something not materialistic. Something much deeper.  We wait until is to late and we are suffering in an empty room in our minds wondering what went wrong or wishing we hadn't made the mistake that stayed the down hill affect you're suffering through. We cannot say we need love. We need forgiven for whatever we did. Why is it so hard to ask for intimacy or a date. Or help around the house for no reason. Why is it difficult to admit sometimes we need to not act our age,  and to be playful and young. We need pushed against a Wall and we need our breath taken away.

Why wait until we are so desperate and so far gone?  To where is beyond a need and now something so strongly desired. It's hard being a woman. So emotional and weak. Yet we are strong. Even in our weakest moments we make it, we survive. We lock these needs away and they only come out when it's turning into resentment,  sadness and depression and worry and wonder as to if we are good enough for our man. Are we pretty enough?  We feel tired all the time but. .. Are we doing enough?  The kids are fed with clean clothes and yet we wonder. .. Are we doing okay?  Are we giving enough?  Then late at night when everyone is so peacefully sleeping. .. You're blogging. Because you feel you give and give and give to the world. The world takes what it wants and you always let it,  because that's what's expected. You ask for what you need. But you never ask for what you really need,  what you long for or desire. And you cry. . And wonder if things will ever be different. You wonder if life will be like this forever.  You wonder if you will ever be forgiven,  honestly forgiven.  But to be held accountable for your mistakes any longer. And you realize that all you need is. .. Nothing.  Tomorrow you will wake up,  and walk the dog. You'll brush your teeth and make coffee. The day will go on like usual and then when the night comes. .. You'll realize again what you really need. .. and you'll cry,  and be sad and worry that you're not good enough for this world,  and you're not cut out for this job. But I am,  and I need sleep so tomorrow I can be okay.